Life’s Intricacies

It seems to me that life’s intricacies are a bit like the lines on this page- drawn purposelessly from point to point without rhyme or reason. There was no aesthetic plan, no pre-set goal to be achieved, just a blank page to be filled. Colors clash, and lines aren’t evenly spaced. Looking back, I couldn’t tell you how it morphed from original idea to current composition. Creating plans really isn’t a strength of mine.

Perhaps it’s because planning often seems an exercise in futility. Things change.

Plans ≠ Reality

Life, when I plan it, rarely goes according to that plan- I’m not the doctor I planned to be at 19, nor the author I planned on at 15. The world is blessed beyond measure that my 9 year old dreams of being a singer never came to pass.

My children are beginning to learn ways to negotiate around my distaste for firm plans and commitment. They say things like “Not today, but sometime could we….” I’m okay with a vague requests, but try to nail down the time when we will actually bake blueberry scones together – my mind instantly goes into overdrive with what might happen to prevent the activity from happening.

What if we don’t have butter or blueberries? Or, what if the baking time is to long and we have to do something else before they’re finished? What if I say “Yes” and then remember something I was supposed to do a week ago for work that has to be immediately rectified? What if…. My ability to think of unique reasons I should avoid committing is outstanding.

The obvious solution to those who give me advice is to write down all appointments, due dates, schedules and such in a planner. I’m not against the idea. Every year, I buy a new planner. Its pristine pages lure me into thinking this is the year I’ll actually be consistent in writing down my plans. I stand mesmerized in the aisle staring at the variety of accessories that promise to improve my organization. I normally buy a few.

The trouble is, I start writing plans, reality hits, and everything has to be adjusted. Honestly, even when circumstances stay the same – I forget to check my planner to see what’s written – because it’s so rarely correct.

Yet, every year I buy a brand new planner.

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addinggrace

I’m a wife, mother and teacher. Navigating the uncertainties of life with the aid of unending grace.

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